Before you start
Welcome to Fast Track Your Polyamory!
This course is primarily for people who are just starting their trek into non-monogamy who have only started reading about polyamory in one of the common books recommended. A lot of people can spend a lot of months in "research mode" getting what I call the Polyamory PhD before opening up but there are actionable, simple things that can be done while you're in "research mode" and this course is designed to help you do just that.
This course could also be for people wanting to start over from scratch in a way, but just be aware that if you have already read my book, read my 101s, or read through a lot of polyamory material, then this course may repeat things you've already heard before or done before.
If you are not sure if polyamory is for you just yet, this first bit is for you to try to figure that out. If you're still unsure, after this, that's fine. You may still want to give things a try. Just remember that preferring monogamy doesn't make you unevolved or bad. Polyamory is not a better state of being -- it's just a different way to do relationships.
This course is not a replacement for therapy or any guarantee that you will become perfect at being polyamorous. I make it clear in the FAQ section on the contact section of my website what my background is. I have never ever wished to place myself as a guru or an expert in polyamory. I don't do classes or talks as an “expert” or call myself an “educator”. This course is best for absolute newbies regarding the structure of how they get into non-monogamy, which I have a lot of experience with over years of giving advice.
I feel confident in my ability to help people avoid the typical pitfalls I have seen. Though I work with a therapist, I am not a therapist. I don't have any desire to be one or to gain any sort of qualification in therapeutic techniques or even become a “peer coach”. I consider myself someone who gives advice, but not an "educator" or an "expert" and I actually very much disagree with the idea of a polyamory "expert". If you're looking for a starter for basics that could help most starting out, that's what's here.
For anything else, I definitely suggest finding a polyamory friendly therapist.
The first question to ask
One of the first questions that I think is the most important -- and yes, even more important than jealousy -- is can you accept a situation where your partner doesn't spend the majority of their time with you as they would in a monogamous situation?
Monogamy often has this type of situation where a partner has a time intensive career or hobby. Some people don't want to be in monogamous relationships with people who have intensive careers or who are away for long periods of time, and that's okay.
If you can cope with living a different type of life where you might share your time with other partners or have more time for yourself, then that's a good first step. If you're still not sure about it, that's okay. It's up to you to go ahead with this course and see how it lands for you.
The second question to ask
Most people who want to try polyamory are already within a relationship when they decide to try, so they are, in effect, opening an already existing relationship. It's important to consider at this point, before you begin the course, that if you are someone who is opening a current relationship, that both you and your partner could be polyamorous and still incompatible in terms of how you want to practice polyamory.
Just as two monogamous people can want different lifestyles, so can two polyamorous people. It's important to understand that as you explore polyamory with your partner, you may come to find that you want different things out of polyamory and sometimes that may mean you compromise and other times that may mean you go your separate ways.
What this course will bring you
If you're in a situation where you're okay with a little less time with any one partner than you may get in monogamy or you're willing to take polyamory where it may lead you, then you're ready to proceed.
The first thing most people are directed to when they're interested in polyamory is a lotta books and I wrote one of them. My goal with this course is to provide a fast lane before you have to crack the books. Because let's face it. Not everybody has time for that!
We'll focus on audio mostly, but I want to bring you some light reading, journaling prompts, and exercises you can do. You can do it before or while reading books. I will give you a reading list at the end you can proceed with.
It's self-paced so it's up to you how fast you go, though I will be reviewing your answers to each lessons and allowing you to ask questions throughout. You will always have access to the course so you can pick it up and put it down as you wish.
Doing this with a partner or partners (or even metamours) who have their own account provides the benefit of me being able to advise on your relationship together directly, rather than only one person so do consider this option if you've not done so just yet.
Shame and non-monogamy
Before you get started, it's worth recognising that even accepting the idea that you might be interested in more than one partner or having more sexual activity in your life may be difficult, especially if you come from a background, culture or family where advocating for your own needs or even seeing them was strictly forbidden.
Unpacking that shame is something that is likely going to take some time and may involve working with a therapist. If you're struggling particularly with religious shame, I would encourage reaching out to Recovering From Religion.
I don't personally believe that you need to unpack all of this before even considering non-monogamy, but if you experience any trepidation or nervousness when you're approaching these subjects, this is normal. Keep in mind that even as you explore the ideas mentally around polyamory this doesn't mean you have to be right now.
This a fast track to getting started, but you can take the time you need to actually press "go". Remind yourself throughout this course of one thing: You deserve to live the life you want to live and exploring those options is something you're entitled to do.
Lesson activity
In the polyamory community, there is a lot of slang it would help you to get used to. There are two ways you can review the most basic level of polyamory vernacular. For the open lesson, I have included a link below and in the next lesson I will have an audio clip going through the basic words you may hear.